Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
