If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
