Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
