This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
