You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
