i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
