Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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