Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The struggles of a small town man whore
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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