i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
