happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
