Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
