walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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