who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
