the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
