No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
