hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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