I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
