New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
