So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
