Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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