Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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