Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
