lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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