just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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