dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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