The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
