Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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