someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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