You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
