it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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