three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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