i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
