im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
