he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
