there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
