Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
