Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
