what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
