Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
