we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
