He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
