omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
