Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
