I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
