my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
