its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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