There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
