are you still at the devil's house?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
