I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
