Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
