maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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