the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
