I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
